The Blessing and Burden of ‘Choice’ in Bisexuality

Homosexuality is not a choice. That’s the battle that has been waged against the LGBT community by those who claim religion to condemn same-sex attraction. Those who come to terms with the moral acceptability of homosexuality often arrive at that conclusion by reconciling with the fact that gay and lesbian individuals cannot help that they’re attracted only to those who were born with the same parts. After all, it’s pretty cruel to deny someone happiness if they only way for a person to achieve that happiness is to build a life with someone of the same gender.But what about those of us who are bisexual?

Growing up I had no inclination that I was anything other that poker straight as far as my sexuality. I bounced around at keg parties, drunkenly making out with my friends to be playful, with no serious consideration that I could ever be attracted to women. Alas, throughout my childhood and early adulthood, I had no interaction with the androgynous women I have since realized are my cup of tea (for a lack of a better phrase). Rural West Virginia just simply didn’t have women who were comfortable and confident with gender fluidity, so without being confronted with my ‘type’, I knew nothing of the true flexibility of my sexuality.

Since realizing I’m bisexual, I’ve also realized that one of the harshest criticisms I’ve faced comes from both the straight and the gay community, and that I have the privilege of choice. The plus side is that my dating pool is much deeper–keep in mind I’m a married woman so I don’t even OWN a pool now, happily so–and I have the joy of being much picker when it comes to choosing the person I spend my life with. The burden is that those who are already inclined to either not believe bisexuality exists, or only accept any form of homosexuality on the basis that there is no other possible path, simply do not accept who I am.

I’ve told people I deeply care about how I’ve been hurt by others’ reactions to the news the I planned on sharing my life with someone of the same-sex, and their response is not that of understand or sympathy, but rather apathy and disdain. I’ve been told that I’ve made my bed and have chosen to be a permanent member of the LGBT community, therefore I have earned the biting words of those who don’t support my “lifestyle choices”, ergo, my bisexuality. But in many cases, they would support those choices if they didn’t in fact seem like choices, but a biological glitch that forces me to be only attracted to women.

I don’t choose who to fall in love with, but if I did I would choose my wife over and over again. I know I’ve said that before, but it bears repeating every time this topic arises. Bisexuality is real and valid and actually not a choice, but would that really be such a bad thing anyway?

Bisexually Yours,

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