Every day people write books and blogs, publish binders and guides telling us all this over and over again, but it can’t be stated enough: wedding planning is hard. And stressful. But it also can’t be overstated that all of those details that felt like they just didn’t come together really don’t matter to anyone else, and they won’t even matter to you when you look back. Lesbians have the stereotype of being total overachievers, but my wife (squee!) and I tend not to fall into that category when it comes to planning. We like to think it’s because we’re just so carefree. Maybe it’s because technically I’m a bisexual bride, so my maintenance and perfection levels lie somewhere in the middle, just like my sexuality,
Here are the things I either screwed up on or didn’t get done before my wedding:
- I didn’t get my nails done until the morning of my wedding. I didn’t get my toes done at all. Talk about some last-minute pampering prep.
- We ended up with no seating chart. None. I typed it the night before we left town for our venue and forgot to print it out before the wedding. Two of my besties, bless their patient souls, tried to stop at Staples to print it to frame at the last-minute for me, but my computer shit the bed.
- I forgot the poem I wrote for Mia at home. Writing is the best way I communicate my feelings, because I freeze up if I don’t have time to prepare, and I left these handwritten heartfelt words sitting on my desk.
- We were late for our own rehearsal dinner. I’m not talking the fashionable five minutes, but more like closer to an hour. You see, two days before our wedding we decided to adopt puppies (ask me in six more months if that was a good idea), and we had to drive all the way out to a farm to drop them off for puppy sitting. To a farm. That we didn’t know. Right before our rehearsal dinner.
- The bracelet we bought to give to Mia during the ceremony is too small. We thought we were really on our game with this one, and we tried to squeeze it over her hand but it was not happening. If you were there, I’m surprised if you didn’t hear her yelp a little.
- Probably not last and certainly not least, we forgot to light our remembrance candle at the beginning of the ceremony.
These are the things that didn’t go as planned, because who ever gets all the details exactly right? Guess which of those minor mistakes actually mattered one we said “I do”? That’s right, none of them.
My nails looked fabulous and you couldn’t see my toes in the Badgley Mischka flats I was wearing. We had an intimate wedding, and our friends and family use the open seating to catch up and create new bonds with people they didn’t know. Instead of reading from a piece of paper, I looked into Mia’s eyes to tell her how much I love her and promise I’ll care for her forever. Our puppies were well taken care of, and our parents broke the ice in a first time meeting that probably would have just been more awkward if we were there. I don’t have a silver lining for the last two, other than words mean more than material things to Mia, and we remember the loved ones we lost every second of every day.
None of the small details I had spent so much time sweating mattered, but do you know what did?
The way my stepdaughter looked at herself in the mirror.
The way my wife’s eyes sparkled and the breath caught in her chest when we turned around for our first look.
The moment we said I do, I knew I had planned the perfect wedding. So here are my tips for you:
- Choose your partner wisely. All of the details don’t mean a thing if you’re not standing in front of the person you can’t picture your life without. Make sure you can laugh at yourselves for underestimating the side of your daughter’s wrist. 😉
- Stop. Stop trying to plan the perfect wedding, and instead start focusing on why you’re having one in the first place.
Thanks, as always, for reading 🙂